There is a restaurant in Vienna where, for quite a lot of money, you will be served dinner in complete darkness, the plates delivered to your table by blind waiters. If this sounds too macabre for you (as it does for me), Zum Hopfbär offers a much cheaper and simpler alternative: visit their garden late enough, and I can guarantee you will not see at all what you are eating. You will also have huge troubles choosing the right banknotes when paying.
The good news is, despite the darkness, you will know exactly what you are eating after the very first bite. The ingredients of the Hopfbär‘s Brettljause are some of the most plain and predictable in the world: cold Schweinsbraten, supermarket-style Geselchtes, some boring cheese, a Liptauer spread and quite a lot of Grammelschmalz, served with a huge amount of green salad and strong horseradish.
The Grammelschmalz tasted great: very fat and undoubtedly extremely unhealthy. In this case, not seeing it was probably a blessing. The Liptauer, too, was above average: quite fresh and tasty. The rest was, on the other hand, instantly forgettable. Heurigers are very scarce in the 22nd district, so any place serving a Brettljause is welcome, but based on my first impression, Zum Hopfbär is only worth considering if you happen to be nearby after a long bicycle ride through the Lobau and are dying for a cold beer.