An Intravert’s Nightmare

Mostschänke Horner has a table problem. For a Heuriger at such an obvious tourist location on the top of a hill, there are far too few of them. I have counted three tables for eight people each on the panoramic terrace and a couple of smaller ones in the shade. I started by sharing a table with a couple, but then one more hiker joined, followed by a group of four people. Either they all knew each other or were simply exceedingly sociable, but they immediately started chatting in some local dialect, making me feel completely out of place and forcing me to concentrate solely on the Brettljause and Most and pretend not to be annoyed.

On a positive site, the Brettljause was worth concentrating on. By the look of Horner, I had not expected its Brettljause to be good and was totally wrong. Extremely varied (10 or even more types of meat, cheese and spread!) and served with fresh bread, it did not disappoint in any way and had three ingredients that really stood out. One was Bratlfettn, a spread made out of drippings and juices of a pork roast. Very fat, as it should be, it had a strong savory and salty taste and exactly the right cool temperature. When Bratlfettn is too cold, it becomes hard to spread and feels like a fat version of ice cream; when it’s too warm and melting, it’s simply disgusting. The one of Horner was perfect.

The Liptauer spread was an even greater surprise. I would normally associate Liptauer with the eastern part of Austria (after all, its name comes from Liptov, which is a region in Slovakia), but the Liptauer of Horner was not only as good as in Lower Austria or Burgenland, but actually better. Very light and creamy, it had a distinct and refreshing taste.

And then there was the potato spread. I never imagined that a cold boiled potato with chives spread over bread with a bit of added salt and horseradish could be delicious, yet it was. I wish more Heurige would add it to their menus.

The other ingredients were mainly meats of various kinds – all good, though the need to extract cartilage from some of them irritated me slightly. Having to share a small terrace with lots of noisy strangers annoyed me more, however, and had I been an asshole, I would have also complained that the service was anything but efficient. But one must realize that the entire Heuriger is run by the couple who owns the place, with no assistance.

One more remarkable thing about Mostschänke Horner is that its menu offers a small Brettljause in addition to the regular one. Recently I have often grumbled about Brettljausen becoming increasingly bigger and more expensive, and so far Horner is the only Heuriger I have visited that offers an alternative. On the other hand, Horner’s regular Brettljause was also not huge and very reasonably priced. My main motivation to return to Horner, though, is to find out what its flagship “Panoramajause” (which I spotted on the menu too late) looks and tastes like.